Coping Things in 2017

There are few things bothering my mind these days.
I don’t know why but I have a tendency to overthink about every single thing happened in my life. Good or bad things, it doesn’t matter. I will overthink and I will be affected by it.
I always scared that I will end being alone. Being alone is okay but the thought of everyone is leaving scared me to death. I am scared that nobody is going to be there for me. As for now, I have the greatest support in my life. I have my family and a small circle of friends. I can rely on them any day.
I think growing up, we only need those people who can please us and not expecting too much from us. Because for me, I hate when people expect too much from me and expect me to do things for them. I might sound selfish but that’s the truth, I hate when people think I can do things for them. I will only do it willingly for someone I love or adore. I won’t do something or show my efforts for someone who I am not into. I am very honest wi…

Biasakan diri.

sekarang kena biasakan diri.

bangun tak ada orang whatsapp atau call kejutkan subuh. waking up without reading all those sweet conversation and stuff. biasakan diri tak cari orang yang kita pertama cari setiap kali bangun pagi. hantar mesej yang boleh gembirakan orang jauh. yang makin lama makin jauh. kena biasakan diri.

susah, tapi kena biasakan diri.

habis rutin harian. kena biasakan diri tak ada orang call/mesej benda yang menyenangkan. benda yang boleh buat kita ceria. kena biasakan diri tak ada semua benda tu dalam hidup.

every little things you have done for me, i will remember all of that.

kena biasakan diri tanpa suara, ketawa & semua yang buat diri ni cukup happy.

biasakan diri tanpa semua rutin harian kita bersama.

sakitnya bila rasa kehilangan. rasa macam tak boleh sorang-sorang.

nak tinggalkan rutin harian kita bersama,

memang susah sangat sangat.

p/s - i wrote this on 2 december 2013. one of my broken days.

i have guts to post it now because i think i already move on. and i am…


it's been awhile, so here's my point of view or ranting on trust.
i feel like the most important thing in life, is trust. aku rasa kalau dalam sesuatu persahabatan atau perhubungan kalau tak percaya antara satu sama lain pun susah jugak.
but i think i need to admit that i have some trust issues in my life.
with people around me. yang aku sayang. yang aku peduli.
aku rasa aku tak nak percaya orang sangat sebab aku tak nak sakit lagi. what i mean, is sakit bila kena tipu. sakit bila kita percaya seseorang tapi dia buat sesuatu yang kita tak suka.
sebab tu aku jarang percaya orang. even orang yang aku sayang.
aku pernah kena tipu. aku sayang orang sangat. and then i ended up being a brokenhearted person.  i've let my walls down to someone. i've opened up. and someone broke my heart.
and i don't want to be in that condition anymore.
for now, it takes time for me to trust someone again.  i've put a big walls and i don't want to let anyone to get in.
i will alwa…

Loving someone's gf/bf.

so here is my story,

dulu. aku pernah sayang orang yang dah ada bf. i met her around past few years. we contacted thru bbm every single day. on the phone every single night. we confessed our feelings. and thank god our feelings were mutual. and after few months being together, i figured it out that she actually has a boyfriend. i mean, dia pun satu. dia tak pernah cakap dia ada bf. and i believed what she told me. after few months being together, baru dia bagitahu dia sebenarnya dah ada bf. and i cried every night thinking why i am such a fool.
and weird part is, aku tak marah. sebab i really love her. having her by my side is enough. dia keluar dengan bf, aku tak text. bila dia bosan baru dia cari aku, call aku, text aku. it hurts so much. i cried so much. sakit bila nampak gambar dia dengan bf dia. at the same time, aku rasa aku memang tak boleh bersama dia. bila aku stalk dia, aku yang sakit. aku rasa macam orang paling bodoh dalam dunia.
so i choose to ignore her for few months. …